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Journal #4 You Get What You Deserve

Sometimes even unconsciously you expect things to happen. However when it doesn’t work out the way you feel it might, there is still a little sting inside of you. Then you’ll start asking yourself WHY? And in my case there are two answers; One is that I might be more suited to handle a different task and maybe there is someone more capable of doing the job. Two, maybe i’m not yet ready for the responsibility, hence give it to someone who is completely ready to do the part. The bottom line is that I’m not deserving for the job. I cant actually think of anything else to sugar coat this fact. Probably I lack the skills, motivation, technical knowledge and “wisdom”. I don’t actually feel bad or good about it. Its just that I’ve already told someone special that I’ve got this kind of job because they made me feel like i did get the part. I clearly understand my limitations and the level of capability I have. The level of commitment I gave and the time I spent doing the part. Even though it was just for a short time I hope that I’ve never let them down them. Definitely gonna “miss” those days. 🙂 Well for now I’m just going to continue to do my thing and hope for the best to happen. Improve my skill set and widen my horizon. Better days are coming and maybe someday I’m finally going to get what I think I deserve. For now I’m just going to fill in my Gaps and be the best in what i do. 🙂 I’m going to appreciate everything even though its just a butter over a stale bread.

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