journal

My Daily Journal #3 (October 09,2015) Reality Slap

I’ve been trying hard to convince my self that the chances of having a deeper relationship with her is almost 0%. And just recently I’ve confirmed that its actually at 0% HUH!. Yes! reality is very cruel. At least now I can finally stop Imagining about her (LOL). Do you know how many times I’ve asked God to take away her Image from my head? Every single day. Why? Because I know its impossible. Yet even though I know that there is no chance at all, i’d still think about her, like everytime.  Its my little motivational bank. Somewhere in my head there’s a little image of me and her HAHAHAHA Crazy stuff!!!. I don’t really know If I really do like her, but its not everyday that your heart skip a beat for someone. I’m happy for her though (exactly what I’m Forcing my self to believe :3 ). At least now she’s a little bit happy. That’s the dream, making her happy all the time. I’m keeping this journal short since I’m not really in the mood for writing. Anyways if she’s really happy, I can live with that. We have our moments LOL ( not really 🙂 ) and I’m really happy to be a little part of it. For now I’m just going to continue my search. Maybe someday I’ll be lucky enough to find someone like her. She’s one of the “keeper” type you know, its a very rare kind nowadays…

(“I’ve mentioned the word HAPPY a LOT in this journal…SO WEIRD…SO WEIRD!!!.. Definitely Nothing Good happens after 2 AM” )

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daily living, life, records

My Daily Journal #2 ( October 7, 2015) Small Things

These days my happiness relies only on really small things. Funny videos, mostly about Cats and competitive eating( LA BEAST highly recommended HAHAHA!), simple conversation with friends, writing random stuffs and whenever my phone rings. I don’t care if the message comes from the service provider as long as it rings! LOL. I really need to find a new outlet for my self. Somewhere I can grow and develop as a proper individual. Its not that I don’t go out a lot, but most of the time I go out alone and I end up just observing human behavior and stuff. I’m like the ultimate stalker of random people HAHAHA. But honestly, as much as I wanted to go out with a merrier group, I think that most of us needs some alone time for our self. You know why? Because when we’re alone we remember the importance and joy of companionship. Sometimes we take for granted the presence, text messages of our love ones and friends, why? because we thought that its just a small thing. We don’t have to bother ourselves with these small things (exactly what my old self would say). But NO! When you feel loneliness even the slightest thing that can make you smile really matters( hence the cats! LOL). I have experienced the exhilarating feeling before, apparently I’m still searching for that feeling again. I’ve lost it now, I want it back. I’m a really competitive person before, now I’ve slow down a bit. I don’t know why. I want that old self back. And I’m going get that back. Right now I’m starting to appreciate the little things in my life. And its a good feeling. Things that are not so complicated, just simple things that can give me a speck of happiness. I’ve also shared these little things to others hoping to make them smile too. The dream is to make everyone around me smile.. That’s the environment I’m going for.

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