My Daily Journal #3 (October 09,2015) Reality Slap

I’ve been trying hard to convince my self that the chances of having a deeper relationship with her is almost 0%. And just recently I’ve confirmed that its actually at 0% HUH!. Yes! reality is very cruel. At least now I can finally stop Imagining about her (LOL). Do you know how many times I’ve asked God to take away her Image from my head? Every single day. Why? Because I know its impossible. Yet even though I know that there is no chance at all, i’d still think about her, like everytime.  Its my little motivational bank. Somewhere in my head there’s a little image of me and her HAHAHAHA Crazy stuff!!!. I don’t really know If I really do like her, but its not everyday that your heart skip a beat for someone. I’m happy for her though (exactly what I’m Forcing my self to believe :3 ). At least now she’s a little bit happy. That’s the dream, making her happy all the time. I’m keeping this journal short since I’m not really in the mood for writing. Anyways if she’s really happy, I can live with that. We have our moments LOL ( not really 🙂 ) and I’m really happy to be a little part of it. For now I’m just going to continue my search. Maybe someday I’ll be lucky enough to find someone like her. She’s one of the “keeper” type you know, its a very rare kind nowadays…

(“I’ve mentioned the word HAPPY a LOT in this journal…SO WEIRD…SO WEIRD!!!.. Definitely Nothing Good happens after 2 AM” )

daily living, life, records

My Daily Journal #2 ( October 7, 2015) Small Things

These days my happiness relies only on really small things. Funny videos, mostly about Cats and competitive eating( LA BEAST highly recommended HAHAHA!), simple conversation with friends, writing random stuffs and whenever my phone rings. I don’t care if the message comes from the service provider as long as it rings! LOL. I really need to find a new outlet for my self. Somewhere I can grow and develop as a proper individual. Its not that I don’t go out a lot, but most of the time I go out alone and I end up just observing human behavior and stuff. I’m like the ultimate stalker of random people HAHAHA. But honestly, as much as I wanted to go out with a merrier group, I think that most of us needs some alone time for our self. You know why? Because when we’re alone we remember the importance and joy of companionship. Sometimes we take for granted the presence, text messages of our love ones and friends, why? because we thought that its just a small thing. We don’t have to bother ourselves with these small things (exactly what my old self would say). But NO! When you feel loneliness even the slightest thing that can make you smile really matters( hence the cats! LOL). I have experienced the exhilarating feeling before, apparently I’m still searching for that feeling again. I’ve lost it now, I want it back. I’m a really competitive person before, now I’ve slow down a bit. I don’t know why. I want that old self back. And I’m going get that back. Right now I’m starting to appreciate the little things in my life. And its a good feeling. Things that are not so complicated, just simple things that can give me a speck of happiness. I’ve also shared these little things to others hoping to make them smile too. The dream is to make everyone around me smile.. That’s the environment I’m going for.

encouragement, life, perfection, self

The Perfection of Imperfection

Things don’t always turn out the way you want them to be. It’s hard to accept the fact that the life you’ve been dreaming of is not the life you’re living. And you’ll ask yourself “What if?” There are a lot of decisions in life that you wished that you could have altered, hoping that it may deliver you to a much better life. Maybe it will, Maybe it wont. Who knows? You have already made your choice. But here’s a fact. No one’s perfect. You make mistakes, encounter pain and may live in sadness for a long time. But those are perks of living. In life we are only left with two choices: either you choose to live or to exist. These are two different things. Existing is just going with the current of life; waiting for the things to turn out the way you want without taking actions; choosing not to bother yourself with anything as long as you are there. Now, living is taking risk and hoping for the best to happen. Most of the time, you’ll stumble and get broken. But when you choose to live, you’ll always stand up stronger. If you choose to just exist and conform to whatever the society tells you, then you are no better than a puppet being controlled by entities that take advantage of your life. Believe me you’ll never end up with a happy and contented life with this choice. If you choose to live, the road will never be easy. No, It’ll never be easy. You will break your heart in the process; you will die in the process. Death is inevitable. Fortunately, it’s not the physical death; it’s the death of the old you who wanted to be reborn. They say, “You only live ones. But if you live it right, once is enough”. #YOLO

We’ll always make mistakes because we are not perfect. We are designed by God that way. But, is it a bad thing? This means that we are given the chance by God to make ourselves better. God has granted us the opportunity to live a life. We are designed as perfectly imperfect. This is just one of those undeserved graces that God has given us: “To Experience Life”, “Living”. But in His eyes, we are all perfect. Yet most of us take this gift for granted. Why? Because we think that this is not what we want; simply because we are blinded by the physical world, by the standards that this generation has set.

We always wanted more and that is not a bad thing. Millions of people tried to make this world as perfect as humanly possible, recreate things that have been deemed impossible in the past. We may say that we can never be perfect but we are all capable of improvement. The little imperfections that we can notice within our self enable us to improve and be a better human, enable us to grow and build something that shatter all logics and human reasons. That something is “relationship”. Yes, there is no perfect relationship yet we can still see the smiles of contentment in the faces of our love ones. Why? Because the strongest catalyst that can bring us closer to perfection is LOVE.

So don’t be afraid to make mistakes; it will make you stronger. Don’t be afraid of pain and sadness. At the end of the day, you’ll surely realize that all those things are worth it. And here’s another fact. The richest people in the world are those who have something that money couldn’t buy. I’m pretty sure you know what I’m Talking about. Learn to appreciate those things and definitely, you’ll realize that the imperfect you is living the perfect life. It may not be the life you’ve been dreaming of but it’s the only version of life that can surely make you genuinely happy.

battle, encouragement, journal, life, self

My Daily Journal(MDJ) #1. The Odd Half (October 05, 2015)

I’ve been trying my best to be happy this past few days and it did work. Unfortunately, slowly but surely my old self is trying its way up again in my head. I’ve tried all the possible solution that I can possibly do, but it didn’t work. You see, I’ve been posting about inspirational advises and stuff lately but I have realized that I’m having a very hard time doing it myself. That’s the problem, I know the solution yet I’m having difficulty in applying it in my SELF! And I hate that. Because I have no valid excuse this time. The hardest part is waking up and the time before sleeping in the evening. That’s the time where I gather all my thoughts and all of the sudden my old gloomy, low self-esteem, lonely, sad, angry self kicked in. Then I’ll start to ask my self these questions; “what happen?”, “how did it happen?”, “how are you?”, “Why?, “what if?”… Then I’ll stare in the emptiness in my room, with no one to talk too. I’ll then checked my phone, to see if somebody even care to ask if I’m doing fine or to see if there is someone I can openly talk too. HAHAHA What am I thinking, It has really been a long time since someone besides my family asked me if I’m Okay. Nowadays the messages I always receive is either from my mom or from my organizations and families I belong too. Not even one single message from my old friends, but then again we have our separate lives now. I’ll checked my facebook and then pour my time in writing stuffs because even if I tried to deny it in myself I’m actually a BIG attention seeker. Yes, I am. You see I’m pretty aware with my personal struggles and yet I’m having a really hard time figuring out the things I should do. Then before getting to bed, I’ll start talking to my self. And tell myself, “you’re living a miserable and lonely life looser”. I’m afraid to admit it, but actually that part of myself  speaking is half true. I’m Lonely, I cant deny that. Even how hard I try to smile a lot outside when I’m alone with my thoughts it all comes back. That’s the reality I’m trying to change. I’ve been praying to God for a very long time now for peace of mind. That’s all I need right now. When my imagination runs wild it’s like I’m fast forwarding my life to future with infinite possibilities but still I cant find a loop hole where I can see myself at peace. I’m also troubled with the idea that I’m getting comfortable talking to myself alone HAHAHAHA “Crazy right!”. This is where the weird odd half comes in. When I’m trying to find solution in what I must do the positive me battles with the ideas of the realistic me. Yes, its like a never ending battle that sometimes I decided to just sleep it out. Sometimes though, I’m able to find a consensus solution to my problems which is not half bad. I really need some life advises right now. I know my priorities in life and I have a goal. And there’s absolutely no one stopping me from getting my goals. But right now the motivational level I have in my self is really low. Self-esteem and self-confidence, HUH! I cant even mention it. I read a lot of books, Inspirational books and the Bible is one of them. And you know what, it does help a LOT. But if you think its like an instant cup noodle that cooks instantly you’re wrong. Its actually a continuous process. Slowly building you up from the rubble and repairing yourself the right way not the easy way. I’m happy that I can feel the change inside me. I know that there is something working inside me, healing me, slowly but surely in time I know I can heal. The hardest battle in life is the battle you have with yourself. I cant truly say that I’m okay right now, but I know I’m changing to a better version of me. I do still have my “episodes” LOL, but I’m greatly positive that in a very near future the words of God will heal me. I’m not posting this on Facebook, because its quite personal but I’ll be doing this journal to show how God change me. This is just the beginning and I’m happy to share these struggles with you!LOL. For now though, I think I need a change of scenery and find new outlets for my self to grow. I’ll leave these words for you today, “Isolation is never the answer. Go out and experience life. Grow and inspire other people. Pray and continue to ask God for guidance. Love and build relationships.” I’ll be doing these things and let’s see how things would turn out…


The Negative Effect and Its Solution

Don’t nurture the idea if its negative. It will never stop growing, believe me. There are times in life which we may think that its just too hard, especially when we feel so down, but remember that after every storm there’s a rainbow. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn’t mean that we must not acknowledge the feeling of pain and sadness, and just be happy always in every situation. No. Sadness is an essential part of our life. Just think about it. We need sadness to truly realize and appreciate the real value of happiness. Both sadness and happiness make our life complete. So accept every challenge the world throws at you, make mistakes, acknowledge sadness and enjoy the complete feeling of happiness after. This life of yours may never be as perfect as you imagine, but always remember that there is perfection in our imperfection. We are love by God, that’s the only assurance you needed. smile emoticon


A little Encouragement

I encourage you guys to read books that enlightens your soul and not the type that fuels your depression. Listen to positive music and continue asking guidance from God. If you feel down find a support group or someone that you can openly discuss your problems. Unload the unnecessary burden, these things block the entry of positiveness in your life. Don’t isolate yourself from the world just because you think no one understands you. There are a lot of people more than capable of helping you whatever it is your going through. But don’t ever think that someone can fix you. Nobody has the power to fix yourself but only you and God. But it doesn’t mean that nobody can help you to achieve these things. Do you want to be a better version of you? Then start fixing yourself the right way. smile emoticon


Message for the Unhappy

If you’re Genuinely Happy this is not for you but you are allowed to read it anyways… smile emoticon
“Most of our problems are rooted in an empty love tank”-(From Bro. Bo’s Book Is your love tank empty?). Yes! we do have a love tank. And those person you see living their life happily most probably filled their love tanks full. So here’s what will happen if your love tank is empty; Your lonely, unloved, depressed, angry, needy and all other negative feelings. Do you have this symptoms? If you do, I’d advice you to read the book. Now, here’s my own take on the subject of “Love Tank”. Every person has a love tank right?, but we also have a false love tank. And that false love tank is being fueled by our anger, isolation, being judgmental and being full of our self. Unfortunately this is the one tank that never runs dry within us. Especially nowadays, in this generation, that people are promoting violence, sex, and other things that tends to bring people down. If we continue to fill this false love tank we will never be contented, happy and be at peace. We will never have a healthy relationship with the people around us. And we will never find ourselves. Surely,nobody wants that to happen, so what to do? The best part of filling our love tank is that the solution is very simple, “Turn yourself to God”. God is love and nobody can fully fill one’s love tank but God, not your Girlfriend/boyfriend, not your parents/relatives only God. I’m not saying we don’t need them, but they can never fill our love tank full unless we add the Love that God has to offer. All of them hold an essential part in making our love tanks full. Your love tank will never be full if you continue to sulk in your room because of the problems the world throws at you. When you let Him enter your life all good things follow, you’ll learn how to reconcile broken relationships, broken hearts healed, and the emptiness that you’ve been feeling for a very long time will be filled by the abundance of God’s grace and love. Genuine happiness is finally attainable. Don’t dwell in the past, live life to the fullest, go out and discover the beauty of every person, learn to appreciate the little things and spread love as much as you can. How do you expect to share your love to other person if you are only half full. You cannot give what you don’t have. I’m happy to share to you the unlimited-overflowing source of love, and that is God. Enjoy the fullness of Life smile emoticon